Slacker Blogger Award

And the Slacker Blogger award goes to... ME!

What can I say? I've been uninspired. Is that a word? Actually life just keeps coming fast and furious and I haven't had much time to catch my breath. Mostly good things.

Had a lovely vacation in Branson, Missouri... yes, you read that right. I know... there are way too many confederate flags around that town for me to really be comfortable. And I definitely felt that my Obama bumper sticker was painting a target on my back. But I went with three wonderful friends and 7 kids between the ages of 7 and 10. We had a ball! Silver Dollar City was about my speed as far as theme parks go. Lots of shade. Surprisingly good food. And the best funnel cakes I've ever had. Meg only dragged me on one really serious rollercoaster. Anything called "Powderkeg" is probably not a good idea once you pass 40 - but I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth and was "Cool Mom" for all of 5 minutes. I may have chipped a tooth -- but apparently my ticker is still rock solid.

The Dixie Stampede was an interesting cultural experience. From the uncomfortable racist comic/magician opening act, to the history lesson which managed to pit North vs. South in the Civil War without ever a mention of slavery. Still... there were pig races and horses jumping through hoops of fire, girls in hoop skirts lit up like Christmas trees, and an entire chicken for everybody in the place. I grew up in Missouri and our history lessons in school followed that same logic. I was taught that Missouri was a border state. Do you think Alabama and Mississippi can get away with that shit too?

Seriously though -- it was a fantastic trip. And my love and thanks go out to Crazy Cat Lady who made it all possible. Smooch!

She also makes a kick-ass vegetarian lasagna which she brought over yesterday because she felt sorry for me. You see -- remember our theme for 2009? (Look back a couple of posts, it's been awhile.) In keeping with said theme, darling baby girl has developed pneumonia. The girl who can completely lose her shit over a lump in a pair of socks has been surprisingly docile through a fever so high she practically sizzles, and two hour non-stop fits of coughing which make ME want to cry. She puts up a fantastic fuss when it's time to take her antibiotic and it takes a good twenty minutes of coaxing, bribes, begging, threats and intimidation to get her to take it -- but eventually (and usually only seconds before mommy is about to lose her shit) -- she surrenders.

What else? Oh yeah... I met Weekly Jules! Hi Jules! She's gorgeous and fabulous just as you would expect and it was soooo fun to actually meet her. We have a mutual friend (Hi Friend! I still think you need to blog 'cause you are freakin' funny, but whatever!) who had a big ol' birthday bash and we bonded.

Now I'm gonna go catch up on a month's worth of blog reading! I can hardly wait. Thanks to everybody who has checked up on me. I appreciate it more than you know!

Happy Days!

One of my passions is photography and I just love this shot. I took it this past week when I was out walking at the Overland Park Arboretum. There are all these great gardens, waterfalls, and nature trails that go back into the forest. I love it. I took the girls on Sunday and they had a blast climbing down to "Wolf Creek" and playing in the water. They were catching frogs and crawfish and splashing each other. It was a slice of heaven.

I've got cute buns!

Meet Annie (the blonde) and Echo... These two came to live with us this spring. I might die from all the cuteness! The girls are over the moon. And they make pretty great pets! Way better than the guinea pigs (God rest their little souls!)

So for those keeping track... we're down to two dogs, two rabbits, and 3 fish tanks. And I love them all.

Happy Spring!

Field Trips Aren't For Sissies

You know what's exhausting? Herding 1st graders around the Kansas City zoo on a field trip for about five hours! Lucky for me I teamed up with a really nice mom who sort of shared my laissez faire approach to the whole thing. The only kids who acted up were hers and mine... so, there ya go. Mine kept trying to escape, either lagging behind or running ahead. Grrrr. And hers was in the center of some big-time girl drama.

I'm amazed to see that some of the first graders are already exhibiting Queen Bee tendencies. They were all sweet girls, but you could tell that they were trying to establish some sort of pecking order. Two girls were skipping along holding hands oblivious to everyone else, until someone got their feelings hurt and then "She's mean." "She is so NOT mean!" yada yada, blah blah blah....

That was Friday... Today I went on a field trip with the 4th graders to a Nature Center. It was a beautiful day and they had a great program for the kids. 4th graders are easier because they have a natural tendency to stay with the herd. I expected more complicated girl drama -- but didn't really see any of that. I did see a bunch of kids who were surprisingly unfamiliar with the outdoors -- they were completely freaked out at having to walk through mud and trees. There were lots of shrieks and "ewwwww"s at spiders, dead animals, mud, ticks.

Don't kids go to camp anymore? We wore crappy ol' tennis shoes and waded right through creeks up to our knees trying to catch craw-dads. Mud was for sliding in and ticks were just a nuisance when our parents had to pick them off us. These are a new bunch of Nintendo-bred, the closest I get to the outdoors is playing Sims Animals on my Wii kids.

My own kids have spent a lot of time in the great outdoors -- probably because I'd much rather be doing that than playing Barbies or My Little Ponies. They have a Wii -- but given the choice to go wade in a creek or play on the Wii -- they're going splashing and rock-skipping every time. Meg is a bona-fide "nature girl" -- she rescues slugs and worms and wants to own a horse ranch where she can rescue and raise all sorts of animals. She's the kid who wants to get muddy on the field trip and hold the dead crawfish that they find. That's my girl!

2009 -- the year of total suckage

Where'd she go??? Well, in the continuing theme of "2009 is a Total Suckage Year" I'm sick again, with a respiratory infection this time. Bleepity-bleep-bleep-bleepin' bleeper!!

On the upside -- it's not cancer! I've got a nice 2 1/2 inch scar up the back of my arm which the girls love to look at so they can get appropriately grossed out by the stitches and green and purple bruises. "Let me see it again! Let me see it again! Ewwwwwww!!!" I wasn't expecting the big dent in the back of my arm -- that's a little weird.

Anyway -- I'm missing you all and I hope that everybody is well. I hope to be back here posting real posts again by next week. Take care all you wonderful bloggers!

No seriously, I might eat them!

My sweet adorable cooperative 10 year old daughter has been kidnapped by aliens and they left me this snarling, eye-rolling, angry, uncooperative, inconsiderate young person in her place. Seriously -- the looks she has given me in the last 24 hours are enough to make a whole freshman class of highschool girls weep from distress. (Now where could she have picked up the evil stare? hmmmm.) She's only 10!

I was a great mom when the girls were babies. I held them and played with them and loved on them and had a blast doing it (most of the time). And even when they were toddlers -- fun times! We went to parks and pools and hung out at the petting zoo. We played dress up and zoo and My Little Ponies. Then grade school hits and it's been a slow decline ever since. Fighting over homework, fighting over increased responsibilities, sibling fights like mad cats in a bag.

And now Miss Thing is becoming a tween. The hormone swings are God-awful. One minute she's sweetness and light. But then if I tell her she can't do something, or God-forbid, ask her to do a chore or her homework -- I have to brace for the explosion. I can't remember the last time she said "Okay mom." Now it's "complain, complain, complain, life isn't fair, I shouldn't have to" and sometimes "NO! I'm not going to!"

WTF? Who's house is this? No you dii -nnnnt! I'm trying to keep cool and not over-react. But I just want to strangle her sometimes!

Usually, they take turns being little crazy people and at least one of them is pretty cooperative and nice. Not this week. This week Miss Thing has turned into an evil little monster and Little is full-tilt crazy with her Sensory issues.

If you could only be a fly on the wall when it's time for Little to get dressed in the morning, because there is no describing the chaos and craziness that ensues. Imagine if all your clothes felt like sandpaper when you put them on. That's pretty much her issue. This morning she was all dressed in a cute soft cotton spring dress and sandals (which is huge because that eliminates the screaming fit over her socks). I was psyched! Yea for Friday! Yea for me! But then... no. She remembers that what she wants to play at recess requires pants. Oh crap. She tore through every pair of pants in her drawer -- moved on to the closet -- finally settled on a pair of denim shorts that she kept tugging at uncomfortably. "Dear God just let her make it to school" I prayed.

This is not what I imagined when I had kids! If anybody has any booze or advice for how to deal with tweens, lay it on me!

Incidentally, if you enjoyed this (misery loves company and all) you might enjoy this earlier post I almost ate my children this morning. Same theme -- better written!

an eye-opening evening

So I grabbed my neighbor across the street and we went and joined the "ladies" of my neighborhood for apps and drinks Thursday night. I don't know if I can do it justice. But let me try. This is just another cast of characters for one of those "Housewives" shows:

There was the blond with the braces who doesn't really understand anything that's going on. She thinks that kindergarten should start later than the other grades, mostly because Spongebob isn't over until 8:30 and it's just so haaaaaard to get the kids out the door in the morning.

There was the new mom who was all about washing her little girl's mouth out with soap when she uses a bad word. (Is it me? or is that a little harsh for preschool?) She's all about discipline and how her kids will behave. Yeah.... good luck with that.

There was the drunk. Slamming the wine. Slurring her words. Falling off her own shoes when she'd get up to go for a smoke break in the pouring rain.

There was the "my child's gifted God dammit" woman. She was pissed that her daughter got average grades on her first grade report card. "they're giving her average grades and I KNOW that so & so got better grades and that kid can't string a sentence together. And I know that I don't do as much with her at home as I should but isn't it their job to make sure that she gets 3's and not these average 2's on her grade card?" Wow.

There was the Grama who talked at length and with a lisp about her $10,000 worth of veneer teeth and having her dental work done. I loved her blinged out belt buckle and housewives of Orange County hairdo.

There were about three of us who were pretty normal who kept looking at each other to see if we were all having the same reaction. (See how I include myself in "normal"? that's generous of me!) Everybody was really nice... but that was a very strange evening. It reinforces what my husband and I have always said about this neighborhood. It's the land of the misfits!

And it certainly made me appreciate my own group of friends all that much more!